try

 I am clumsy. I am the clumsiest person I know and the clumsiest person my friends and family know. I am not made to do sports, because I end up with dislocated fingers, sprained ankles and badly scratched knees. So when someone asked me, upon my move to Porto, whether I am going to try surfing, I said: I don’t think so.

And here I am, a few weeks and two surfing lessons later: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. Surfing is the most tiring and frustrating thing I’ve ever done, but it also makes me the most determined I’ve ever been to learn, because it is the most fun I’ve ever had! I am pretty sure I am the worst person in the class, but I don’t really care. I keep on falling down the board, my nostrils are full of salty water, after just a few minutes in the ocean it feels like I cannot do it anymore, yet I keep on trying.

Who knew I will fall in love with surfing. I most definitely didn’t. But then I tried, and it turned out to be amazing.

I have also tried other things. A few months ago, inspired by all the amazing creative people I watch and admire, I decided to start a YouTube channel. I made and posted a few videos. I didn’t love my work, but I kept on telling myself that it’s just temporary, I will get better at some point, I just need practice. I also didn’t enjoy making them that much. I mean, I did enjoy it to some extent, but it wasn’t something I absolutely fell in love with. But again, I kept on telling myself that I just need to practice, get better in it and then I will enjoy it more and more.

And then one day I woke up with a horrible back pain. It went on and on for hours. I had no idea what was going on, I got to the hospital. It turned out to be a tumor, I needed a surgery. What followed were weeks spent in bed, recovering from the surgery and fighting various infections I got as an aftermath of it. I felt derailed from my life, I had to push the pause button and put everything to the side, including my attempts on making videos. And then I got better and better and I was slowly coming back to normality. I started travelling and writing again, doing all the things I love. But somehow, I couldn’t force myself to make videos. I called it a creative slump. But then, somehow, words kept on spilling out of me as they usually do, it was just the images that stubbornly didn't want to come. I put it aside and decided not to stress it too much. 

And then, all these weeks later, I went to my first surfing lesson. It was clear from the very start that I will probably never become good at it. But it didn't matter. I enjoyed it to the beat, as bad as I was at it.

And I realised: videos are just not for me. It’s not like I’d start enjoying making them more, the better I get at it. If I truly loved it, I would enjoy it greatly from the very first, very bad video. Just like I enjoyed my very first surfing lesson, despite the fact I didn't even manage to stand up, not even once. (I was standing up twice during my second lesson, though! Standing up very wobbly, but still, standing up!)

But here’s the secret: you’ll never know if you never try. I am a creative type. Not a sporty type at all. I love putting things together, creating messages, telling stories. I don’t however particularly enjoy physical activities and having my nostrils filled with salty water. One would think video making is perfect for me and surfing is a bad idea. Hell, even I thought so. It turned out to be the opposite.

Lessons learned? 

It is okay to madly enjoy something, even if you're very bad at it. 

You may think some things are made for you and others are not, but the truth is you never know for sure unless you try.

Just because you admire creations in some craft, does not mean you can make your own. You can try, but it is okay if you fail. 

And also, at the end of the day, you should stick to whatever feels true for you. For me it’s writing. I wanted to be cool and up to date and extend my creative outlets, I wanted to try something else, I wanted a cool YouTube channel instead of a boring blog. But I am not a filmmaker. I am a writer. As boring as it may seem in today’s world, where anything over 144 characters falls under “TL;DR” label. I write, therefore I am. That’s my thing. 

What’s yours? You’ll never know if you never try.